Party Schools Exposed

Higher ed critic quotes from "The Five Year Party"

Mark Bauerlein, the Emory University English professor who wrote "The Dumbest Generation" is not the kind of guy to remain silent when party school emperors parade around with no clothes. He has shown over and over that he's not afraid to speak his mind when he finds college students who would rather party than learn how to read.

When my publisher asked me for a list of readers to send advance copies of my book to, he was right up at the top of the list. It's very gratifying to find that he not only read my book, but praised it and even quoted from it in his blog.

So let me step aside and surrender the podium to Professor Bauerlein while I sit on the sidelines blushing modestly while you read his blog post "Another Source of Disengagement" here.

Keene Party School Anthem: "Livin' up your college dream...NOT!"

For nearly two years now I've been attempting to describe in this blog what life is like for students on a party school campus, and now two freshmen have done it in just four minutes! This is definitely a must see for anyone considering sending children to a subprime party school. Check it out:

Keene Anthem by Lauren Foley and Dylan Welch freshmen at Keene State College in New Hampshire.

Lauren and Dylan are obviously creative and talented young people who need a little guidance about libel and invasion of privacy, but the tune is catchy and the lyrics are spot on in describing the empty lives of students at a party school campus where students spend their time "runnin' around that party scene" that consists of frat parties, chicken patties, anonymous sexual hookups, drugs, "drink all night" and professors that get drunk with their students.

The repeating chorus is:

"Keene, you know what I mean, runnin' around that party scene,

Keene, you know what I mean, living up your college dream....NOT."

And what do they have to say about classes, which their parents think are the reason they are there?

"Yo it's Keene State, time for class,

You gotta be retarded if you can't pass."

Then goes on to say the writer has straight A grades without doing any work. In other words, as I said, spot on.  Since they are freshmen, however, they probably do not yet understand that spending five years at this anti-intellectual adolescent resort can leave them $25,000 in debt and unable to get a job using their party school diplomas, which employers understand are worthless pieces of paper.

Just a couple of weeks ago I met one of my former students named Mallory in the Keene Friendly's Restaurant. The waitress job was her second job. She was also employed as an "executive assistant" (secretary) and was working to pay off her college loans. I nearly choked when she told me she owed $30,000! I tried to calculate how many tips she would need to raise that amount of cash. She said she chose Keene State because it was a party school, even though she was accepted at other colleges. Bad idea.

So what we have here is a simple bait and switch.  The college administrators lure these kids to the five-year party so they can participate in the lifestyle described in the video and set them up with predatory lenders. They tell the kids they can "be anything you want to be" and give them the loan application forms. Then, after graduation, they get to work at Friendly's for 30 years paying back the loans. Instead of being anything they can be they get to be the one thing colleges like this prepare them for...a life of poverty.

But Lauren and Dylan don't know about that part yet.

Ironically, this video is likely to attract thousands of applicants to Keene State. There are tens of thousands of high school students who can't wait to sign up for the five-year party. The college may have to hire some additional admissions people to handle the onslaught. But admitting even more party students, as profitable as that is, will only increase the college's well-earned reputation as a place where education is only a side show.

Two years ago the college hired a consultant to try to eliminate the number of hits received by a student-produced video about campus riots after the aRed Sox won the World Series. The college taped interviews with students and posted them on You Tube. But Dylan and Lauren have already trumped that effort. Their video has been up less than a month and already has nearly 2,000 hits and the previous audio-only version has nearly 2,000 more. Time to hire another consultant or just throw in the towel and admit that hell yes, we supply the party. Show up and have the time of your life!

If you know someone who is considering sending a child to a party school, please send them this video. You can also ask them to take a look at the 2005 PBS video called "Declining by Degrees," which deals with the same problems without the music. You will be doing them a tremendous favor and save them tens of thousands of dollars.

Glossary for people who are not from Keene:

DC - the dining commons

Wilson Street - the "student ghetto" just outside the campus

Randall - the dormitory where freshmen live

dmb - The Dave Matthews Band

Mailcruiser - the college-run e-mail system, which students hate

PMD - the campus fraternity that most resembles Animal House

Lloyd's - a campus eatery

Roids - steroids

Camp Co - Campus Convenience - a store just off campus

Blackboard - a college computer program used to communicate with students who don't go to classes.

Two hours that could save parents $50,000

I've received a few e-mails asking me if things could really be as bad as I have been describing. My answer to that is -- I'm just getting started!

One of best resources for understanding what is going on in higher education these days is a PBS documentary called Declining By Degrees: Higher Education at Risk first shown in 2005 and now available on DVD. Until I saw this I assumed it was just my college that seemed to be spiraling out of control. Many of the problems I and my colleagues were talking about -- grade inflation, dumbed-down classes, high tuition rates, colleges who care more about the bottom line than the students, inebriated students and lack of any interest by students in education -- are all dealt with here. So why didn't this cause a revolution? I think that the people who most needed to see this, especially parents and lawmakers, must have missed it.

This is the video that started me thinking about writing a book about this. There actually is a companion book that goes with the video, but it is basically a series of disconnected essays -- no where near as good as the program itself. It's also very hard to believe that educators themselves did not wake up after this was broadcast. Anyone who sees this and continues to believe that college is for everyone was not paying attention.

So please, if you are a parent thinking about sending your child to a party school, take two hours and rent this video. It's available on Netflix and some libraries (but probably not college libraries.)

John Merrow, who used to be PBS' education editor and now runs a private production company is an articulate and knowledgeable commentator. I first heard him speak at a convention of the Education Writers Association in 1980 and have followed his work since then. Richard Hersh, former president of Trinity College and  George Kuh of the National Survey of Student Engagement are also excellent. Many of the students interviewed here sound just like the ones from my classes.