Don't be fooled. It's still "ZooMass," despite the lipstick

Colleges around the country are adopting "branding" as the way to fool the public into thinking they've changed and aren't really party schools anymore. The latest to try this is the University of Massachusetts at Amherst, well known in the Northeast as the prime destination for students who want to major in Jell0 shots and party bongs.

You can read about the UMASS branding project here.

Colleges spend millions hiring "branding consultants" whose prime missions are to cover over the reality that nearly half of the students don't give a damn about education and are there for the five-year party. The reason branding doesn't work is the same reason that putting lipstick on a pig doesn't work. When you get done, it's still a pig.

If Umass was really interested in putting the ZooMass image away for good it would have to do something it would never do: cancel the party. It could set new standards and refuse to tolerate the slackers who give it a bad name. It would advertise itself as "the UN-party school, where serious students go to study." So why don't they do that? Simple economics. The ZooMass image brings in thousands of students looking for a place to party and all those slackers pay the bills that keep the college functioning. Get too serious with the party animals and lose the zoo image and you are out of business.

When a college makes serious  efforts to dump the party school image the students get royally pissed off. Take a look at this article from the Phoenix New Times about students at Arizona State University who reject the president's reform efforts and are threatening to transfer to colleges that have more student riots and public couch burnings.

The spokesperson for the Get the Party Rolling Again movement is ASU sophomore Chelsea Frank and here's what she told the newspaper: "I'm thinking of transferring next year, because it's just not the experience I was hoping for," she says. "I hear about these riots at WVU, UF, SUNY Albany, Maryland, UCSB etc. -- people burning couches in the streets, screaming off their balconies, running into the middle of a lecture doing a beer bong and then running out -- shit like that."

It's good to know that the education money that Chelsea's dad saved up for all his life is being put to a good use.

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